Two Big Reasons to Hate Stephenie Meyer

#1. Twilight

122 minutes of pure fail.

For at least 100 of those minutes, you see two camera shots: (1) Bella Swan (poorly played by Kristen Stewart) biting her lips and raping her science partner with her eyes and (2) Edward Cullen (played by Robert Pattinson and his gravity defying hair) staring at Bella like she's his next meal.  The only thing that changes is the scenery.

Things finally start to get interesting with the baseball game, but that may be because that by the time the movie gets here, you're so desperate for action that you'll find anything interesting. This includes Alice doing the same pose over and over as different 'vampires' hit a ball and catch it. 

All I can say is that is 122 minutes I will never get back.  I don't even know if I want them back because that would mean I may see the movie again out of curiousity.

The only positive thing about this movie is that it makes the book bearable, when before it was merely laughable teen-angst/love spewed out over 300 pages.

#2. New Moon

After watching the first one, I was definately not excited to watch this one.  I heard it was better, but even Watchmen is better than Twilight.  But I rented it anyway, hoping that it was better.

I was pleasantly suprised.

Kristen Stewart got a better make-up artist and learned how to make her face look like it was expressing something other than pure lust.  Robert Pattinson wasn't in it as much.  And there was actual action -- not sissy vampires dancing around a fire (except when Alice ripped of James' head -- that was kind of cool).

Even still, I had to endure 130 minutes of poor acting and a story that I care nothing about.

So, thanks but no thanks Stephenie Meyer.  You're a terrible writer with flat chracters and a dull story-line.  Anything that could be cool -- you make lame with poor dialogue and Bella Swan.  You should have just written a story about Alice. She is the only redeeming thing in any of your novels. 

Yes, I've read all of them, including The Host. 

It's notTwilight; it's you.

Just give it up now because you'll never be as cool as J. K. Rowling or write anything as epic as Harry Potter.  All you can do is kill everyone's images of vampires forever. 

Congratulations.